Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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