I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
