i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
