I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
