He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
