After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
