she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize