I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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