it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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