Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
