Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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