if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
