I hate your face
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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