so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
