I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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