Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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