That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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