gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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