theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How does it feel to date your dad?
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