I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Vodka?
Forever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
