All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
