I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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