he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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