Non-Jews are for practice
You can't special order awesome
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
