Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
