The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
