I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
