if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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