Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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