U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
