My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I know her cup size but not her name....
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