u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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