If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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