Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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