Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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