paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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