I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
