She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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