You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
