I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
