you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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