The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
