I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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