I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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