there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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