its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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