WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
