this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
