last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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