Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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