i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize