4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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