i already hear my dad disowning me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize