do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
