Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
