If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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