nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
