I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
