I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
