sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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