She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
