I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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