Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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