remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
