you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
