just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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